Assertiveness is a core competence for a effective and healthy communication.

In the field of psychology, one of the common areas of work for most people are the social skillsespecially the social skills that enable and encourage communication. Assertiveness is not only a competence, it is also a "way of being in the world" that allows us to express our feelings and feelings. thoughts, emotions y needs in a clear and respectful manner.

In this reflection, I would like to tell you in brief what are the different communicative styles: passive, aggressive, assertive and passive-aggressiveThe following section describes "broadly" what people with such styles tend to be like.

In addition, I wanted to include a list of assertive rightsThese may seem self-evident to many, but it is worth re-reading them to see if we respect others and ourselves.

PASSIVE STYLE

People with a passive communicative style are more likely to avoid expressing their opinions or defending their rights. They have difficulties in saying "no and often prioritise the needs of others about their own. This can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration and low self-esteem. They tend to show submissive and can easily be impressionable. They tend to be extremely complacent with others. Sometimes they are not even able to get in touch with their own needs or to have their own judgement.

AGGRESSIVE STYLE

People with an aggressive communicative style express their thoughts and emotions in a dominant way and often inconsiderate towards others. Their communication can be taxation and offensivenesswhich generates conflicts and deteriorates relations interpersonal. These individuals may have a high sense of self-worth, but at the expense of others, provoking fear or rejection in their environment. They are people who impose themselves on or "step on" others, undervalue others and reject anyone who disagrees with them. They sometimes show aggressive verbal and non-verbal language, they may raise their voices or use hostile or inappropriate language.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE STYLE

The passive-aggressive style is characterised by a indirect expression of hostility. People with this style may appear passive on the surface, but they express their anger or frustration in a variety of ways. covertlythrough sarcastic remarks, malicious behaviour. This communicative style creates confusion and mistrust in relationships as there is a kind of "double message".

ASSERTIVE STYLE

People with an assertive communication style are able to express their thoughts and feelings in an assertive manner. clear, direct and respectful. They stand up for their rights without violating the rights of others, achieving a balance between expressing their needs and consideration for others. This style fosters healthy relationships and healthy self-esteem. Assertive people are able to to have "a disagreement". with each other, they can "agree, disagree" and live with the fact that others have different thoughts and opinions, in addition to do not invalidate one's own or other people's emotions.

ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

Assertive rights are fundamental and should be respected in interactions between any group of people.

1. The right to say "no" without feeling guilty.
2. The right to express feelings and opinions with respect.
3. The right to make mistakes and be accountable for them.
4. The right to ask for what you want, recognising that others have the right to say "no".
5. Right to change your mind.
6. The right to be treated with respect and dignity.
7. The right to have and express one's own needs.

HOW DO WE WORK ON ASSERTIVENESS IN CONSULTATION?

In consultation, we use a variety of techniques to help patients develop assertiveness:

1. We understand assertiveness:

We usually take time to explain communication styles, who comes to mind when we think of each of them. We practice the different ways of conveying the same message depending on the chosen communicative style and so we become more and more experts in detecting communication style of those around us and improve our own.

2. Social skills training:

Sometimes moving from theory to practice is not so easy, so if necessary they learn and practise specific skillsThe most important factors are eye contact, tone of voice and appropriate body language.

3. Role-playing:

Through simulations, patients practice everyday situations where they need to be assertive, usually when we propose it in therapy there is a bit of shame and sometimes with it other emotions such as the fear or the guilt. Therapy provides us with a safe haven in which to practice these "difficult conversations" in order to face them with less suffering in real life.

4. Cognitive Techniques

Sometimes there are "brakes" that do not allow me to be assertive or that make me always have to show myself in one of the poles. This is what sometimes happens with people who communicate in a "passive-aggressive" way, they do not see themselves capable of being direct, but they do not want to be submissive or abusive, so they remain in that confusing terrain of the covert message.

One of the most common brakes that we encounter in therapy are the irrational beliefs. If I believe that "Family is never denied a favour" or "A good employee stays as long as it takes to get the job done", it will be hard for me to put healthy boundaries.

5. Relaxation techniques.

To reduce the anxiety that can accompany assertive expression, relaxation and stress management techniques are taught to enable us to dealing in a "safer" way to the feared situations.

Developing assertiveness is crucial for healthy communication and successful interpersonal relationships. This process not only improves communication skills, it also strengthens patients' self-esteem and emotional wellbeing. Also, if you think about it, most people who have healthy self-esteem and self-confidence and who make you feel good when they are with them are probably assertive in their communication with you.

Thanks for reading, see you in consultation!

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