The 5 Emotional Wounds

 

In my consulting work, I have observed how emotional wounds deeply affect people's lives, influencing their relationships and their emotional wellbeing.

Throughout my career, I have received a great deal of training in the psychology of the attachment y trauma and I have seen how these emotional wounds, which we tend to summarise in five, are usually originating in childhoodThroughout our early years of life.

These are our first experiences with our primary caregivers, the ones who shape the way we relate to each other with others and with ourselves, and which to a large extent end up laying the foundations of what I believe about myself, other people and the world.

In the following, I would like to tell you a little about the five emotional wounds that we encounter most often in clinical practice and try to explain clearly how they are created in childhood and how they manifest themselves later in adult life.

We must bear in mind that sometimes the climate in which a child lands in his or her parents' life is not the right one. Sometimes their parents are full of fears, they have their own childhood wounds, their own parents were extremely demanding, harsh or cold, or they are facing a unwanted parenthood or even have a serious illness, sometimes the person himself or herself postpartum is complicated or the family is suffering from a duel the loss of another baby or significant other.

Unfortunately, this is very detrimental to children who, on their arrival into the world, need their caregivers to survive, connecting with the world y feel safe.

1. THE WOUND OF REJECTION

The wound of rejection originates when the child perceives that one or both caregivers do not want him or her or do not accept his or her presence or essential qualities, that do not accept him or do not like him "as he is". This may occur in situations where the parents are emotionally distanttoo much critics o derogatory.

The rejection injury is associated with a avoidant attachment style.

Children with a rejection wound tend to be adults who:

- They tend to avoid close relationships where there is intimacy, as they are afraid of rejection.

- They are excessively self-critical with themselves as if nothing is ever good enough and they often have low self-esteem.

- Deep down, they have a feeling of not being worthy, of undeserving of lovethat it is very difficult for anyone to love them.

2. THE WOUND OF ABANDONMENT

The wound of abandonment arises when the child feels that his or her caregivers are not emotionally or physically present for him. This may be due to parental neglect, prolonged absence or lack of emotional care.

The injury of neglect is related to a anxious attachment style.

Children with a rejection wound tend to be adults who...

- They suffer from a constant fear of being abandoned for loved ones, as if they know that they are only in the present moment but are not certain that they are going to stay.

- They are highly likely to suffer from emotional dependency in their very close and partner relationships and the need for constant reaffirmationThe fact that your partner loves you, and that everything is fine, and that you will not abandon him or her, needs constant "proof".

– Feeling of emptiness and loneliness when not in the company of others. They are people who find it very difficult to be alone, especially if they have to manage an emotion.

 

3. THE WOUND OF HUMILIATION

The humiliation injury occurs when the child is subjected to situations that make him or her feel ashamed or unworthy. This can occur through excessive criticism, ridicule or belittling.

The wound of humiliation can lead to a style of disorganised attachment.

Children with a wound of humiliation tend to be adults who...

– Extreme sensitivity to criticism or rejection, sometimes accompanied by emotions of guilt, shame, anger and intense sadness.

- Tendency to self-destructive behaviours or self-sabotage, such as drug use, alcohol use, risky behaviour etc.

- Difficulty in expressing authentic needs and emotions.

4. THE WOUND OF BETRAYAL

The betrayal wound develops when children perceive that their caregivers do not keep their promises or are unreliable. This generates deep mistrust and fear of being deceived.

The wound of betrayal is related to a style of anxious-ambivalent attachment.

Children with a wound of betrayal are adults who...

- They experience great difficulties to trust in others and maintain stable relationships, they tend to view "bad intentions". where there are none.

- They need to be very controllers with situations and people to avoid betrayal.

- Feelings of jealousy and insecurity in relationships. It is common for people who experience high degrees of jealousy to suffer from the wound of betrayal.

 

5. WOUND OF INJUSTICE

The wound of injustice arises when the child feels that he or she is treated unfairly or that his or her efforts are not recognised. This may occur in environments where caregivers are very critical or demanding.

The wound of injustice can lead to a avoidant attachment style.

Children with a wound of injustice are adults who...

– Perfectionism and self-demanding excessive.

- Difficulty in recognising and expressing one's own needs and emotions.

- Feelings of resentment and anger when an injustice is perceived.

WHAT DO WE DO IN CONSULTATION?

In the therapy process, the aim is to healing and rebuilding a sense of security and self-esteem.

Firstly, it is crucial that the person is able to recognise their emotional wounds and validate their past experiences. It sounds easy, but each of us has lived our lives as "normal" and sometimes it is difficult to discern between "what is expected to happen to me" and "what is not expected to happen to me". negligent behaviour or dysfunctional.

This is often done through narrative techniquesThe work with the LIFE LINE is very helpful for the patient to tell his or her story and begin to understand how those early experiences have affected his or her life today.

This process helps to making sense of emotions and current behaviours, allowing the person to see the connections between their past experiences and their present feelings. I like to explain to the people I work with that it is like "taking a walk through our past and our experiences to understand where we are coming from". In addition, it is common for them to feel a great sense of relief to "understand why I act the way I do".

Throughout the sessions, work is also carried out on identifying and changing the thought patterns and the negative and self-defeating beliefs that have arisen as a result of these wounds. For example, if a person with a rejection wound tends to think that they are not worthy of love, they are helped to question and restructure these thoughts to develop a more positive and realistic view of themselves.

In addition, to promote the self-acceptance and self-compassion is fundamental to the healing process.

I often meet people who are incapable of treating each other with the same kindness and understanding that they would offer to an important person whom they love very much.

Through all this work they also learn to recognise and respect their own needs and emotions, something that is difficult for those with deep emotional wounds.

The building safe and healthy relationships is also an essential part of the therapy process. This involves developing effective communication skills, learning to set healthy boundaries and building mutual trust in relationships.

Emotional wounds have a deep and lasting impact on our lives and relationships. Understanding them allows us to address their source and work on healing them effectively. Through recognition, validation and appropriate therapeutic intervention, it is possible to overcome these wounds and to develop a secure and healthy attachmentthus improving our quality of life and emotional wellbeing. We are much more than our wounds.

Thanks for reading, see you in consultation!

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